"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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