I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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