just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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