if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
