He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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