last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
