the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
