exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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