New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize