First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
