You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
