I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize