So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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