I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
