i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize