im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I feel like abortions should bother me more
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
