I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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