Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
