I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I didn't notice because vodka
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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