he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
