that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
So. Much. Porn.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
