pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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