perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize