wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
