I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
