Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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