Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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