Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
