we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
