i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
