I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
