Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
