we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
