I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
