3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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