Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
