i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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