I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I wish you could order shots online.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
