You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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