I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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