I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
