tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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