woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
