Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
