I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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