ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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