i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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