sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
