My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
