I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
