She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
