I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
