Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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