Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I look better un-naked...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
smell my finger.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
