i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
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