shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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