It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Houston, we have a squirter
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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