I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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