I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
