Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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