i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
