I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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