Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
