I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
