Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
