I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
