And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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