He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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