Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
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