So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
