what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
