Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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