Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize