i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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