No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
