i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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