like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
