from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
