I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
