no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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