So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
