Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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