have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
