dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm getting married
To pizza
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
