the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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