Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I need to stop coming to work sober
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
