Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
