I want to stick my p in your. b.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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