i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
