can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We just shotgunned beers for America
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
