I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
