I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
