you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
