dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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