Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
