i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Randomize
