I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
