Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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